The Accusation by Zosia Wand

Author:Zosia Wand [Wand, Zosia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781786692320
Publisher: Head of Zeus

18

Naz put our bag in Max’s room, relegating him to the pull-out mattress in Cam’s bedroom. Max was not enthusiastic about sharing with his brother. ‘He snorts and he stinks!’

But Naz was having none of it. ‘So do you,’ she said, shooing him into the bathroom to brush his teeth, while he objected most robustly.

Naz doesn’t know what’s going on. I asked if we could stay and she didn’t hesitate. She has been efficient and kind, asking no questions. Milly is tucked up in the top bunk. I’ll sleep in Max’s bed below, under a Star Wars duvet. Her obvious relief when I went up to tell her we were leaving Mum’s tore at my chest. I failed to protect her. What sort of mother am I? I’m supposed to be keeping her safe, providing her with a nurturing, loving environment. I shouldn’t even be in Hitchin with her now, but back in Tarnside, allowing her to settle gently into her new life.

With Neil.

With Neil?

Pregnant. Son. Rape. Words that have no place in my world. Circling around me, trying to find a way in.

If I hadn’t come back to Hitchin, I wouldn’t know. If I hadn’t sent that bloody photograph, none of this would be happening.

But we are here now, sitting in Naz’s messy kitchen with an empty bottle of wine and Mum’s grenade on the table between us. Neil has a child. He is a father. He raped Tina Lord? Neil. My Neil. It’s unimaginable. My Neil is kind. He is patient. He would never, never…

It isn’t real. It can’t be real. As long as I don’t pull the pin, the grenade can stay where it is.

Neil is picking us up tomorrow night. We will spend the weekend with his parents. I told him we’re having a sleepover at Naz’s for a bit of fun, but he could tell. I could barely speak. His voice. ‘What is it Eve? What has she said?’ Too much. The concern. The fear.

‘I know about you.’ This is what she knew. ‘What are you afraid of?’

‘You.’

I made the excuse that Milly was too tired to chat. If he finds out about the smack, all hell will be let loose.

All hell has let loose.

‘What has she said?’ not what has she done? ‘What are you afraid of?’

What do I do now?

Naz fed us curry from the freezer. ‘Mum makes me two a week and we can never get through them.’ This is what normal mothers do for their adult daughters. They cook meals to store in the freezer, they embrace their grandchildren. But these mothers have sons-in-law they can trust. Milly hesitated and procrastinated, stirring the curry around her plate while watching Max gulp spoonful after spoonful, but not actually eating any herself. I said nothing. There were naan breads she could eat, if all else failed, or plain rice, but there was no need to worry. It was Max who shoved the bowl of yoghurt towards her, saying, ‘If you stir that in, it’s not so spicy.

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